NEW DELHI (CoinChapter.com) — Lawmakers are not getting any brighter regarding crypto laws, plain and simple. The current crypto laws vary from country to country, and sometimes state to state, and can be a pain in situations that demand clarity.
Be it India’s 30% tax on all crypto transactions (even the ones where traders are in a loss) or the recently passed crypto law in the US forcing traders to report the transaction to the IRS under threat of a felony charge, current laws show how little lawmakers understand about blockchains and cryptocurrencies.
For example, sharing the details of a transaction, including names and addresses, goes against the privacy ethics of cryptocurrencies.
If the trend continues, it will not be long before governments create crypto laws that make no sense. Here’s what could be in store for traders by 2030:
1. Cryptocurrency Pet Licenses: A Tail-Wagging Policy
An animal-loving maniac decides each digital asset in a cryptocurrency owner’s wallet requires a pet license. Each Bitcoin must be walked daily, and Ethereum coins must be groomed regularly.
Imagine your Bitcoin sulking because you forgot to take it for a walk or your Ethereum pouting for a grooming session! The horror!!
However, how do you walk an entity that only exists in 1s and 0s? Maybe the lawmakers will give some clarity on that. But wait, crypto lawmakers and clarity never go hand in hand.
Most likely, the law would create a cumbersome layer of bureaucracy around cryptocurrency ownership, hindering the adoption of cryptos.
2. Mandatory Singing Wallets
Another law that we could see by 2030 could force crypto wallets to sing loudly the national anthem of their owner’s country every time someone accesses them. The louder and more off-key, the better. Such a law could be a reality if a certain political party remains in power in India till 2030.
Imagine being in a coffee shop, browsing away, and you decide to check out something in your crypto wallet. But your laptop or phone is not silent, and as soon you access it, your device goes full Taylor Swift with an off-key version of “God Save the Queen” or whatever is your country’s anthem.
Though funny, it could spark a flurry of police complaints about “hurt” national pride. “Larry! How dare you play the national anthem with a wallet having only BONK and SHIB? Shame on you!“
3. A Crypto Law That Orders Blockchain Narration by Celebrities, Because Why Not
Maybe someone bored with waiting while their crypto transactions get through came up with this crypto law. A list of approved celebrities must narrate and record every blockchain transaction. Imagine Morgan Freeman or David Attenborough solemnly describing your latest Dogecoin trade.
Every transaction will feel like a Hollywood movie trailer. “In a world where Alice sent 0.5 BTC to Bob…” Morgan Freeman’s voice lends gravitas to anyone’s mundane crypto trades.
But, these could see a spike in transaction fees, because how would firms pay Freeman and others for the job? Also, firms could stick users with Janice’s voice (From the TV sitcom FRIENDS), and to get Morgan Freeman or Hugo Weaving, they will need to cough up a 1,000-a-month subscription fee.
Not laughing now, are we?
4. Proof-of-Dance Mining
This crypto law could replace proof-of-work or proof-of-stake with proof-of-dance. Miners must upload a video of them dancing to validate transactions. The better the dance, the higher the mining reward.
Such a law could become the brainchild of an environmentalist and health freak lawmaker. Dance your way to millions. While this could democratize crypto mining, imagine the security risks.
5. A Crypto Law About Fashion
Annually, all crypto users must participate in a fashion week where they design and wear outfits inspired by their favorite cryptocurrencies. Think Bitcoin ballgowns and Ethereum tuxedos.
Though it might be a good idea to have a fashion week for crypto-themed designer clothes, forcing all crypto users to strut around in stylish clothes once a year might be too much.
Imagine asking the guy who spent the year shilling FTT tokens to buy new clothes for a fashion week just days after FTX’s collapse.
Oh, the horror!
6. Holiday-Themed Cryptocurrencies
A law that dictates Cryptocurrencies must change their names and logos to reflect upcoming holidays. For instance, Bitcoin becomes “Bit-ween” for Halloween, complete with a pumpkin logo. Maybe a Martha Stewart fan would introduce such a crypto law.
While it might seem like a good idea to infuse some holiday spirit in the digital assets, the resulting confusion could be catastrophic. There are worthless memecoins for nearly everything, including a Santa Coin.
Users might buy Santa Coin, thinking it is a BTC token with a Santa hat. It will not be a very merry Christmas after that.
7. Virtual Crypto Pets
Another law from an animal-loving fanatic could result in each crypto wallet having an attached virtual pet that must be cared for using a portion of the cryptocurrency. Neglecting your crypto pet could result in transaction delays.
As a result, each transaction depends on how happy a user’s Ethereum Eel or Bitcoin Beagle is. Forget about market analysis; it’s all about pet care now.
A gamified crypto experience could have appeal, but serious traders might find it difficult to handle. Transaction delays due to a pixelated cat with Ethereum markings could result in broken laptops and mobile devices.
8. Emoji-Based Trading
All trading commands must be given in emojis. Want to buy Bitcoin? That’s a 📈 emoji. Selling Ethereum? Use the 💸 emoji. Misinterpretation of emojis could lead to unintentional trades. Such crypto laws could become a reality once Gen Z enters politics.
In such a world, 😂 would replace financial analysis. However, accidentally sending a 🍆 emoji could come back to defile the sender’s posterior in a very painful way.
9. A Crypto Law About Astrological Trading Windows
Another Gen Z-flavored potential law that could become a reality by 2030 might force traders to transact during specific times determined by astrological signs. For example, Geminis can only trade on Tuesdays under a full moon.
A crypto law like this could change investment advice from “DYOR” to “Mercury in retrograde? Don’t make the Ethereum trade,” or “Full moon in Gemini? It’s time to mine Bitcoin.“
Matches made in heaven would have an altogether different meaning.
10. Underwater Trading Sessions
Once Apple takes over the world (in the shadows, of course), it could promote the sales of its devices by passing a law ordering traders to make all important crypto trading decisions underwater at least once a year. Waterproof tablets, phones, and hand signals would be the preferred means of communication.
Going deep on trade would take a literal meaning, as traders don scuba gear once every year. Swimming equipment suppliers would likely end up buying gold yachts too. Meanwhile, a whale or a shark could disrupt market movement, quite literally.
