Key Takeaways:
- Do Kwon in North Korea?
WARNING: This is a work of fiction on Planet Earth. But the same cannot be said about other crypto universes.
PLANET SHIKARA (CoinOnCrack.com) – People rarely experience what it’s like to be on top of their own financial pyramid, only to see it crumble to their feet.
But he, Do Kwon, knows the feeling all too well. Sure, once you’re stripped of all credibility, caught with a dumb look on your face and an Interpol red notice on your head, you’ll do anything to avoid more humiliation.
But here’s the rub, Interpol! To catch a fugitive, you have to think like a fugitive! So here’s Kwon, accused of costing his investors north of $40 billion. And suddenly, North Korean bells of communist dictatorship sound sweet and inviting!
Choose Right Korea Next Time
Lost the South Korean passport?
Who cares… there’s another Korea right there, anyways. They might be crappy dressers, but the secret is to offer them something in return for not letting the Financial Services Commission (FSC) shred you to pieces.
So what does he, Do Kwon the Great, have to offer? Outstanding skills in creating unstable stablecoins. Plus, he knows his way around stealing crypto.
Since all the allegations against him were an “overreach” of the agency’s jurisdiction, the situation calls for drastic relocation measures.
Where is more secure than on Kim Jong-un’s lap? The creator of all that is good and pure and the weird man-child who “doesn’t poop” but holds one finger on the nuclear launch button to make half the world crap their pants instead.
We are a little bit disappointed in the way that prosecutors are attempting to create new regulation through criminal enforcement proceedings, whereas that really should be within the job description of the legislature or, at the very least, the financial regulators.
said Do Kwon in the latest interview.
Of course, he’s disappointed. Plus, the charges of evaporating $40 billion of investor money are “politically motivated” therefore, not “legitimate.” So, the best thing to do when a political meat grinder screws you over? Find a more comfortable spot under a more communist sun, and start over.
Do Kwon Was Part Of Lazarus All Along
Beads of cold sweat form on Kwon’s forehead, but he brushes them off without breaking concentration. The codes will not be written themselves, buddy, so now is not the time to turn soft! An old folded paper dating back to 2022 lies under a grubby coffee mug:
This cyber attack group sends phishing emails to employees impersonating executives of the target company […] through social networking sites with false accounts, pretending to conduct business transactions […] The cyber-attack group [then] uses the malware as a foothold to gain access to the victim’s network.
reported the Japanese.
Meanwhile, the footsteps outside the door get louder, and the realization dawns on him: Lazarus is finished, and he has nowhere to run.
Lazarus, the North-Korean cybercrime group that felt at home after the scandal around the Terra implosion, died a few years back. Yes, he gave up his old life, but the scheme was brilliant. Did Do Kwon, the man, who pledged his keyboard to the Supreme Leader, make a dumb mistake and expose the whole pyramid?
Katsuyuki Okamoto of multinational IT firm Trend Micro said, “Lazarus initially targeted banks in various countries, but recently it has been aiming at crypto assets that are managed more loosely.” Yeah, no sh*t, that’s what Kwon knows best.
What next? Onsong Political Prison Camp (loud bangs on the door) or Kaechon Reeducation Camp. He better blows his brains out here and now. But what if he can wiggle his way out of this one too? China? The place is responsible for at least 40% of world hackers, so why not?
“Right now, it’s hard to see a downside….” thought Kwon, clutching his gun and staring at the door.
